I'm A Little Late On This

Final Crisis Part One
I'm going to describe as quickly as possible about this type of post on this wonderful blog I've made. Not all people can read everything immediately when it comes out. So essentially these particular posts are going to involve comic books or other things I may have gleaned over in the past, but gave enough effort to catch myself up on now, and also put in the time to write about. 

I miss FrankenLantern

So this time around I'm going to be talking about the first issue of Final Crisis written by the great Grant Morrison. Fun fact about me and old Granty, I didn't care much for him about 6 or more years ago. Sure I read his New X-men, and I liked it just fine, but I didn't really give any of his other work a chance(I still haven't read Invisibles). However, over a year ago I finally decided to break my hatred for Superman and read some of the Man of Steel's best books from other people's opinions. This is when I read All-Star Superman and it was absolutely amazing. I didn't know anyone could write Supes like that. Then low and behold I saw the authors name. Well... Fudge, I guess I have to give this guy some credit now. I went back and re-read some of New X-men and yet again I was blown away. I suppose the hipster in me(sigh) was fashioned long ago in to despising this poor man's work. That or maybe I was just a young insolent idiot who liked Nightcrawler because he could teleport and he made that "Bamf" sound. Whatever the case may be I really like Grant's stuff now.

Metron just chilling in his space chair in prehistoric times

So Final Crisis opens up with a caveman running around back in prehistoric times and then he runs in to this guy named Metron. When I started reading this I honestly had no idea what I was getting into. I never had read much up on this book other than I know some people die(pre-New 52). So seeing this caveman run in to a blue guy on a space chair completely threw me for a loop. Now I'm curious, who is Metron, why is he talking to Brad Pitt caveguy? Then some guy that looks like Frank Quitely's Wolverine from New X-men is seen fighting other cavedudes, and then of course he takes a red-head for his prize from a local hut. Yet again, "what the flip is going on?" I ask myself. I continue onward to pursue my answers. A few pages in, suddenly we're moving from a Ringo Starr caveman movie and in to a classic old noir piece. With legal notepad inner monologue bubbles and all. I did enjoy how Morrison transferred the scene of man finding fire and then a transition to a cigarette being lit up, and how fire brought life and now death. That stuff was deep. 

Deicide is also a death metal band

Anyway noir detective guy runs in to a new god by the name of Orion collapsed in a pile of what I can only guess are water guns(or maybe the light up ones). Green Lantern John Stewart gets a call of a 1011, and that it's an urgent call. So him and Hal Jordan meet up at the scene and it turns out that 1011 is a Deicide, and poor old Orion is in fact dead. I'm just going to say it here, I bet Darkseid had something to do with it. I mean seriously that guy hates Orion.
Here again is why Grant Morrison is a pretty damn good writer. See those guys over the body of Orion, you know Hal and John. They're intergalactic policeman, and they're totally at a crime scene doing their job. Oh, but wait it gets better. you know those blue dudes that they work for? The Guardians of Oa are actually carrying this out just like any other crime scene that a police officer and detectives would do. 

Darkseid...

I mean seriously, seal off the crime scene, dust for radiation finger-prints, and question all potential suspects(Darkseid)?! I guess maybe I don't read a lot of Green Lantern or something, but I really enjoyed how Morrison made the space police in to... well you know space police. Oh also, the Question pops up to noir detective dude gives him a clue about a club called Dark Side(gee...). Oh and he calls the Question a Muk-Muk. God I bet his voice sounds like gravel, sand, and tombstones.
Moving on, we see a group of super twits consisting of Livewire and some other people I'm not really too familiar with running through what looks like a junkyard with a lot of mirrors. OH BOY, it's the greatest bad guy team-up since Solomon Grundy and Calendar Man(did that ever really happen?)! Mirror Master and Dr. Light, I'm actually excited, I promise! They take out the aforementioned twits with the greatest of ease. then set up something that somehow gets them Metron's space chair secured. I'm not sure why his chair is in a junkyard. Oh also, supervillains commit a protest in the middle of the street, I'm guessing it was a diversion so that the other two goons could get the chair... I really have no idea what's going on with this part of the book. I do however know that Dr. Light needs Viagra.

I don't think that's what Giganta meant when she said big and tall

Also, it seems Mirror Master is a drug dealer. Yet again the scene changes after Livewire makes a failed attempt to stop the two. We're brought to a scene where we're introduced to what I can assume is one of our major villains of the book, Libra. This thing(It's not human, it pretty much said so) Is in council with Lex Luthor, Vandal Savage(I bet he was the Wolverine in the prehistoric segment earlier), What I believe is Orm, Grodd, and the Human Flame. I'm not really sure who the Human Flame is, but I'm told that he is Martian Manhunter's baddy.

Libra may be a thing, but things still enjoy water

Libra explains that it can change the balance of the super heroes always winning to a more even plate for the villains. Vandal and Lex say Libra is wasting their time, and calling Libra's plan BS before even hearing what the thing really has to say. Libra really doesn't mess around, and well it has Dr. Light and Mirror Master bring in Martian Manhunter. Oh by the way, note that Libra has Metron's space chair now. Libra then proceeds to have the Human Flame torch MM and then stabs him through the heart. 

X marks the spot

RIP, J'onn J'onzz. After this noir detective dude runs in to the Tattooed Man, and has him lead him in to club Dark Side. In there he meets... well Darkseid, but in a human form that seems to be sick. He Kaff's a lot. I suppose I should mention that noir detective guy's name is Turpin and he's looking for some missing kids before he can retire(insert Lethal Weapon joke here). Darkseid says he gave them to Granny(OH GOD). The Children have become part of the Anti-life equation, and now noir detective dude is under Darkseid's boot.
MEANWHILE AT THE HALL OF JUSTICE! Bats and the gang get to talking about stuff and decide to lock down the entire earth, the Lanterns do this and we pull back to this thing called the Orrery where a bunch of Earths are stacked up like they're gumballs.

Gumballs

Oh and if you want to know what color the Justice League has set for a total Earth lock-down  it's amber(the color of your inner chi... energy?). Anyway this Orrery place has people that live in it and I guess they watch Earths or something. I honestly wasn't very interested in this part of the book, aside the giant gumball of Earths. Some monitor person failed in saving Earth 51, so they exile this person to become a humble mortal. Some chick named Weeja Dell is angered by this, and he(exiled dude) say's he'll find a way to return to her. She storms off from the scene and comforted by a person with a kooky headdress named Zillo Valla. I guess I should pay more attention to these people, because I'm sure they'll be very important later on, but meh. Oh some sneaky guy says he's happy that his only obstacle, Uotan(the exiled dude) is now out of his way.

I enjoy the Morrison and J.G. Jones are on the news scroll

Now back to prehistoric times where the guy who ran in to Metron draws his(Metron's) symbol in the sand and the Statue of Liberty appears. OR, this isn't in fact prehistoric times, but the future after an apocalypse, or... Final Crisis if you will. After this we're greeted to a scene where some black guy wakes up and can't believe he's there for some odd reason, oh and Green Arrow is pissed his buddy, MM is dead. That's where issue one comes to a close.